A new low-cost Florida-based airline will start offering seats for $9.00. It will cost people $350 if they want the rest of the plane.

On the heels of news that N. Korea issued a nuclear test and fired two test missiles, the U.S. accused the country of “provocative and belligerent behavior.”  In turn N. Korea accused the U.S. of being fat, lazy, booger faced dink-wads.

A woman who called 911 to report she and her daughter had been abducted has been charged with making a false report and identity theft, authorities said Wednesday. Bonnie Sweeten, 38, told authorities Tuesday afternoon that she and 9-year-old Julia Rakoczy were kidnapped after two black men in a Cadillac hit the rear of her SUV in Upper Southampton, north of Philadelphia.   The Reverend Al Sharpton condemned the racial politics of this case saying, “Oh what? So now that we have an African-American president, all black men drive Cadillacs?”

An alarming 11 suicides have occurred at Fort Campbell since January 2009.  In a speech to the 101st Airborne division, Brig. Gen. Stephen J. Townsend warned cadets against suicide stating, “It’s bad for soldiers, it’s bad for families, bad for your units, and bad for this division.”  Other behaviors the army frowns upon: not washing your hands after using the bathroom, having sex with your friend’s fiancé, and getting shot in the face by Dick Cheney.

In a CNN interview, Gov. Schwarzenegger called conservative radio talk show icon Rush Limbaugh the 650 lb Gorilla of the Republican party.  In a related story, Gorillas began to distance themselves from Rush Limbaugh.  Their obvious differences: sobriety and the ability to stop flinging feces at one another.

Scientists recently discovered what they describe as a “big blob” beneath the Great Basin, which stretches from Nevada into parts of Utah.  The large, cylindrical blob of material, “dripping like honey,” is believed to be a “lithospheric drip formed between 15 and 20 million years ago.  In a related story, lithospheric drips have agreed to embrace Rush Limbaugh as their national spokesperson.  Their obvious similarities: they are both corrosive blobs, leeching off the earth’s resources.