Apparently one man’s familiar java watering hole is another man’s biscotti-soaked peep show. CNN published a story today about the aptly named Grand View Topless Coffee Shop in the sleepy, morally loose town of Vassalboro Maine, and if you know anything about Maine, with its colorful and salty folk, this story is not surprising in the least. The cafe’s proprietor, Donald Crabtree, began the business in a moment of entrepreneurial zeitgeist during these tough, economic times, which ironically coincided with his mother refusing to do his laundry anymore. Despite initial opposition, business (along with employee’s clothing) has taken off; Crabtree remarked “I know what people want,” he said. “People like nudity, and coffee is profitable.” Yes, Mr. Crabtree, but what people DON’T like is having their nipples scorched and chest hair singed from the steaming latte and espresso jets, not to mention having to “shoo” away those lactating mothers from those “non-dairy” containers behind the counter.
Now, for those of you who might find this tasteless, sexist, or offensive to the pimple-faced baristas at Starbucks denied the chance to increase their nominal chances of getting laid by having to appear in a regulation shirt and apron, Mr. Crabtree makes a point of noting that he hired “everyone from skinny to big-boned” women, proving that he is an equal ogle-tunity employer. Though the shop has only been open for about a week, Mr. Crabtree (if that is his real name) reports brisk business with repeat costumers, like his dad, his old high school gym coach, his minister, and his recently “outed” ex-girlfriend.
Still, you have to give credit where credit is due in these uncertain times to a java genius. So Mr. Crabtree, I give you a tip of the tip for your caffeindish endeavor!