Like many people, I’ve worked a fair amount of retail hell jobs in my life.  One of the things you never quite get used to is the whole thievery aspect of retail, and I don’t just mean trying to out-theft your co-workers. (Sidenote: One of my former Assistant Managers takes the ALLEGED prize for this for ALLEGEDLY orchestrating the ALLEGED theft of the store safe). I never directly witnessed it, but I’ve heard plenty of stories of women using baby carriages to tuck away illegal “add-ons” and “impulse” goods, which is pretty smart in my opinion. I mean, not only do you have yourself a nice carriage, but it probably doesn’t have one of those annoying, squeaky wheels perpetually turned to the left.  I think that they should at least let you keep the stuff you pinch. After all, it’s hard work shoving that Coach bag or plasma tv down your pants. Labor should have its rewards, should it not?

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Prisons are so…prison-like. Do they have to be so drab and depressing? I’m no psychology or social worker expert, but it seems like a decorator’s palette of grays, browns, and some kind of dirty ecru does little to dissuade Juan “The Cobra” Sanchez to stop shanking Pete “Chainsaw” O’Brien with his rusty shiv.  I visited Alcatraz not long ago and thought, you know maybe if they had put some red carpet in here, commissioned someone to paint some sunflowers or rainbows on the wall they would’ve avoided those bothersome prisoner uprisings.

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This is the difference between men and women.  Women go on getaways or vacations, booking a B&B for the comfort and convenience, and get put in one room by accident without thinking too much about it. Men, on the other hand, in the same predicament loose their shit.  They’d rather sleep in the hallway or in their cars than share a bed with another guy friend, live they’ve stumbled into Broke Back B&B or something.

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